Changes

I'm not sure if you're Aware of the little voice inside your head that triggers when you're dissatisfied. The one that tells you you need to make a change. This voice and I, we go way back. It started before I even hit my teen years. Never an extrovert in clothing or wild hairdos (unless it was directly pointed out to me that I needed to do something "fun" with my hair), instead, I would change book genres or reorganize my room. It wasn't until my later years did I realize this was happening. Ecause I was upset with something I. My life I couldn't outwardly change. I resorted to changing that which I could.

Not only would my room receive a more efficient feel and look, but that change and readjust would sort of sooth the an anixiety over the inability to change what I really wanted to in my life.

Lately, that result has been more obvious, more frequent. It sits atop my head in a shortening, now flaming splendor. It's not a bad change and it does overall suit me. Why, though, the change?

Sadly, it's because of something else I am able to change, but don't out of loyality. Of pride. This is an excellent opportunity I've been granted and I really want to throw it away. To travel, to move, to go to school and finish. Somehow, working 6 exhausting days a week puts a hamper to that. To just about all of that. It's not the time, I know that still. Being here, doing what I'm doing is a great accomplishment as its hitting goals for both boyo and I. I'm learning so much from a mentor at work, about dealing with irrational patrons and... Others.

This isnt what I want to be doing with my life. Not this moment, not another years worth. Yes, boyo, I know I Am my only restriction when it comes down to it, that I have your full support that doesn't make it any easier. You know a lot of my hesitation with being here in San Diego but it's not just San Diego I think you're setting to recognize that. I think I'm starting to recognize that.

Ah well, this went too deep far too quickly so I will leave it at this and add a picture later

=]