Developing an Attachment.

To my boyfriend's cat.

Mangey long haired orange turkish angora mongrel; you've met him before mildly on a sewing adventure. He has been a resident in our household for quite sometime, now. Say, perhaps, Thanksgiving?

Something about Thomas' personality always put me off. It seemed we were bound to be the "boyfriend who hates the girlfriend's cat and it hates him back" kind of relationships, only, well, you get it. He meows at me, occasionally making it sound as if I've stepped on him, or his favorite piece of carpet. He would jump up and bug me, tail swishing as he bit the corners of my book and nipped at my hands.

He would run when I entered a room and followed Boyo around like a dog. Thomas even sat by the door, waiting and meowing for him to come home and abuse him.

Yes. Abuse him.

At first, I tried treating him like a normal cat, trying to play with him and caressing him; he gave me no piece of mind. I noticed Boyo before at his parent's just about picking him up by his fur and rubbing his entire body against the floor as he struggled away from him.

So I thought.

So I opted the nice route.

And he hated me. And I hated him for hating me.

Then one day, utterly irritated by the little snot (as he is so affectionately nicknamed) I grabbed a tuft of hair and yanked up. Right near his face. Go figure the little creep adored it.

Since then, I've tried various techniques and he responds well. He still meows at me constantly, especially letting everyone in residence know when he's used his throne room. Now, I throw a pillow at him and he purrs contently and walks away.

Thus, the beginning. I have since upgraded his food to one he doesn't pretend to eat and drop all over my kitchen floor to one he ingests with vigor! His weight is still pretty low, but he's not skin and bones anymore. I've also spoiled him with kitty treats, Da Bird cat toy, and the famous Furminator (which has reduced the number of furballs in residence and cut his shedding down, just a little.)

He's stopped vomiting on the carpet, which is a definate sign of his love back to me as before, my foot would always manage to be where he'd choose to let himself loose.

In turn for this careful abuse and affection, he will lie next to me in bed, head just touching me, purring and sleeping.

When Boyo goes out of town, he's sleeping in his spot. Alright, perhaps because he misses him, too, but company is company. Even when it purrs and meows like a perfect alarm clock at 5:45am.

A well. Pick your love and your battles.

Changes

I'm not sure if you're Aware of the little voice inside your head that triggers when you're dissatisfied. The one that tells you you need to make a change. This voice and I, we go way back. It started before I even hit my teen years. Never an extrovert in clothing or wild hairdos (unless it was directly pointed out to me that I needed to do something "fun" with my hair), instead, I would change book genres or reorganize my room. It wasn't until my later years did I realize this was happening. Ecause I was upset with something I. My life I couldn't outwardly change. I resorted to changing that which I could.

Not only would my room receive a more efficient feel and look, but that change and readjust would sort of sooth the an anixiety over the inability to change what I really wanted to in my life.

Lately, that result has been more obvious, more frequent. It sits atop my head in a shortening, now flaming splendor. It's not a bad change and it does overall suit me. Why, though, the change?

Sadly, it's because of something else I am able to change, but don't out of loyality. Of pride. This is an excellent opportunity I've been granted and I really want to throw it away. To travel, to move, to go to school and finish. Somehow, working 6 exhausting days a week puts a hamper to that. To just about all of that. It's not the time, I know that still. Being here, doing what I'm doing is a great accomplishment as its hitting goals for both boyo and I. I'm learning so much from a mentor at work, about dealing with irrational patrons and... Others.

This isnt what I want to be doing with my life. Not this moment, not another years worth. Yes, boyo, I know I Am my only restriction when it comes down to it, that I have your full support that doesn't make it any easier. You know a lot of my hesitation with being here in San Diego but it's not just San Diego I think you're setting to recognize that. I think I'm starting to recognize that.

Ah well, this went too deep far too quickly so I will leave it at this and add a picture later

=]